Thursday, June 23, 2011 / 10:43 PM

Brace yourselves.

I have so much in me I want to express, to let out, to release. So much tension I need to have loosen out. So much happiness I want to spread, so much anguish I wish to dispense. So much knowledge I want to share. Places I want to go, monuments I want to touch. Breathtaking sights my eyes yearns to see, the kind of night sky I never had the chance to go "oh wow, now that is A LOT of stars" at. Lives I want to change, faces I want to paste smiles on. Laughters coming out from my loved ones. The sort that puts your mind at ease, makes you tear a little, almost making yourself out to be the most silliest person on earth for feeling like that over a small chuckle, but you just don't care. My relationship with Allah the Almighty. How I want to make it as close as nail and skin. To have a little more patience. To wake up in the morning to go to a job that I actually enjoy. To sip hot chocolate at the end of the day, staring at the moon and fantasize about being an astronaut, leaving everything on earth, bringing everyone in heart. Taking the first few steps on the cratered ground thinking, I don't need this because someone back home actually has the ability to invoke the exact same sensation ;) To be thankful before I go to sleep that I might not have it all, but I definitely have enough. To sink into my couch and play the Xbox all day. To air guitar to every guitar riff/solo as and when I feel like it. To slow dance without the occasion, the music or anything like that, just because. So I like it, shoot me. To speak without being judged. To not be shy all the time. Eating the peanut butter of a spoon and actually be extremely proud of it LIKE HEY I'M EATING BUTTERED PEANUT OF THIS UTENSIL AND THERE AINT NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.. OM NOM NOM. I wish to understand every human being. I want the chance to be in their shoes for a change. To be looking at things from someone else's point of view. I'd like to see the effect that I have on someone, anyone. If there is any sort of effect at all. In other words, I'd like to be friends with me. I want my Babygirl to know that I wanna hug her all the time, because I don't see her too often lately. I want to tell her so much that even when I'm not there, I'm actually there. Thats how there I wanna be. Oh gosh now I wanna hug you so bad. I don't want to make sense sometimes. To stare into blank space and be reminded of something hilarious and just explode into fits of laughter. I want to spend time with everyone dear to me all at the same time, in the same place, stand at the highest peak and make a speech... that goes something like "See everyone here? They're part of the puzzle of the life that I'm living now, the life I was living then, and the life that I'm gonna be living in the future. They didn't come this far because they fit or because I let them in. They're here because they were puzzles that didn't match nor hinged together but they managed get my untrusting self to believe them. They made themselves out to be a puzzle piece that could fit anywhere in my life, yet unchanging of who they truly are, that is why they're here." I want to dig my pockets, find some coins, and rejoice like never before. The simplest things that takes me off sky high. I wish to replay over and over again the feeling you get right before you say goodbye to someone you love. I don't know... because to me, your truest of feelings surfaces then as you realize that might be the last time till a very long time, or not at all? or maybe till tomorrow that you see the person again. Even then, goodbyes will never be easy. Food, I wish to never diminish my love for food. I'd like to ride the waves, or at least imagine it hard enough that I'll dream about it. I wanna visit Egypt. I want my cheeky monkey to be there as well, right beside me. I wanna whisper into her ear "I told you I'd take you here" and then melt in her warming smile. Things like this shouldn't just happen in movies. I wanna save earthworms that stray onto the pathway during the rainy season. I don't wish to be tied to time anymore. Counting minutes, counting seconds to something. With whatever time I'm running on, living in, that's gonna be the given seconds to accomplish whatever (I could start with managing time better :P)

I hope I can sleep now knowing I got at least half of what's on my chest here :D





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